In the mood for love... isn' it already blatant enough? the title should be quite startling... considering i m quite a blockhead when it comes to matters of the heart. i wonder is it me, or it due to the sudden influx of couples around me, that i do start to wonder when will love come to me? I hope its just part and parcel of teenage fantasy, and well perhaps due to my healthy dose of taiwanese serials.. and mabbe a touch of vanilla sky(which showcased the extremities of love.. the extent that it could either break you[Diaz] or it can sustain you [Cruz and cruise]). But whatever it is, i'm starting to ponder. Do i want to fall in Love?

Well my answer at this juncture is perhaps yes. as much as i want to run away from this topic, and feel that my academics of my utmost importance, after God and family, I have to admit.. i'm hoping for someone out there to just love me. Peraps, what i desire is the exclusivity of being in a relationship. To noe that you belong to the person, and so does the person to you. That you have that special one out there whom u could really rely on and the person would really provide you the shoulder you crave when you get really tired. Yes, well, perhaps.
then i look around the place, people watch to be exact, i start noticing couples, and their affectionate looks to each other... i guess at this point i could fullly comprehend the meaning of a chinese saying zhi3 xian4 yuan1 yang1 bu2 xian4 xian1, which literally means, Even lovers are more to be envied than the immortals. Ha...

Then again, i'm 17. too young, and too immature to make the right and raional decisions at this point of time. Yet, at 17, imagination is allowed to run wild and free... i thought, what if a person really came up to me and said that he like me. I felt, hey, if i were to be stuck in that mood for love, i would perhaps BLINDY agree, without thinking of its consequence. Saying yes to a person, would mean, once again exclusivity.. personal freedom will be affected. And for me, because of that momental rush of desire, the yes would just be a plain yes, yet without the backing of any emotions. That case, its plain stupidity to even agree...

haha.. am i freaking you out with what i'm thinking? i certianly hope not. infact, i hope that this phase of mine, is not just me. but it does happen to the other people out there. Otherwise, i better reconsider my mental state. :P

Yep... so thinking thinking thinking... i finally understood what pastor meant by people believing that Bad love is better than no love. But i choose No LOVE. I rather play safe in a way.ha.

more thinking on my way home..then i thought, actually, i do possess the love i crave to have. I noe someone who would be there when i truly need him. I noe he would also be my listening ear. I noe He'll give me the strength i need to carry on whenever i'm weak. i dun even nid to tell Him how i feel. He knows. The most important is nothing i do will make Him love me more. And also nothing i dun do will make Him love me less. Amazing person huh... This love is more than just a bou-girl-relationship. Its also of friendship and of kin ship. Want to noe this guy whom i also love? He's my God. :P ha... yes... jiaying still loves God, who loved her from the start. Too bad, i'm still the tomboy me. :P

haha... anyway... this is just some musings for the day.. on love

and on food. i need to curb my voracious appetite. Especially when fasting, the desire for food gets stronger.. the horrid, fleshy nature of men! I want Food. But i need God. Need is greater than ur want. Therefore i choose God... :P

Written and pondered over, but emotional at 12:51 AM

A Writer.
A seeker.
A thinker.
A learner.
A disciple.

~ Calla Lillies

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Paeds Specialist!
I can do the impossible! :)

1. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God
-- I wanna start cultivating good habits like prayer and fasting as a NECESSARY, ESSENTIAL part of my daily lifestyle

2. I wanna groom myself well
-- no more,sloppy behaviour, only appropriate behaviour. Must up another level!!!!

3. Dance like I've never danced before
-- I want to take dance really seriously. SERIOUSLY.

4. Serve more in ministry
-- enough of casual, convenient Christianity already.

1. Do Well in NUS Year 1
-- get into Dean's List and SEP!!! Jia You!

2. Learn L.A. Hip Hop!

3. Rise up to be a Leader in a Ministry :)

4. Save up for SOT!!!! $$$

Get into GMS!!!
I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!

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