A journey, an odyssey.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Winds are changing.

There's something in the atmosphere that i can't quite figure out - or should I say that there's something in the atmosphere that i think i might recognise but too fearful to step out and face it. Hmmm, in anycase, within the past month which i had failed to blog, so much had happened. So much that I myself am facing some sort of difficulty in the adjustments. Let me update.

Within the past month, besides emerge, came a series of camps. One of which was the WYZ Youth Camp which totally shifted my journey with God. In the camp, it was one where i truly felt inadequate in every sense. Though the participants were young, but they loved God so much, that I am truly amazed at how God can use them. so I really respected every single one of them. the Youth Leaders too. (cos i kinda realised that I was one of the oldest around.. muahahahaha!) But in any case, I tried my best to respect them and served them as they were my leaders. I understand that I had to submit. In all due respect, submit to authority and the leaders who were before me. God was good, He helped me through the camp, and I was in for a life changing experience. I left the camp being fired up for the youth. Somehow, within me, I wanted the youth to be so strong in their faith, to love God so much that they can be EXAMPLES to the people of age. They have been doing it in the camp. But I am sure we can take them to greater heights, let them shine so much more, more than any one of us had shone before. They are young, so much potential, so much to give. I am not willing to let all these potential and all these possibilities die off because of a man's selfishness to not impart or share. Yes, I am ashamed to have to admit tt I was one of those selfish fools. But God, it is never too late to turn back right? it is never too late to turn back to You right? I was a plan A who dropped to a plan C. I regretted it from the bottom of my heart. I never want to let go of a chance. NEVER again. NO MATTER how tired or emotional I get, I must learn to possess the eyes of faith!

So, things happened, I changed CG, gg to W387! It has been good so far. God is still good. But I have to admit that it has been quite a rough patch for me. i feel like I am slipping into depression again. And I have no idea why is this happening to me. I thought i would rejoice madly and be super hgih. But you, as things had it, i spiralled downwards in the spirit. It was so bad, that this afternoon I really had the urge to give it all up. But then i remembered my promise to God, my word to Him, my Desire to serve, and His dream for me. somehow, by God's grace, He reminded me of all these, and reminded me of the camp and of emerge and of how i once said that I will not let go. So, I entered into a mode of self denial. Like what Pastor preached - a state of ruthless self denial. RUTHLESS.

When i wanted to walk slowly to NUS prayer meeting, i told myself to speed up and go against what my flesh wanted me to do.

When i wanted to call Bee Leng and tell her that I may not be able to go for Zone Prayer meeting, i told myself to shut up.

When I wanted to run away from everything, I decided to just Go. To just face up with what I had to.

No doubt, It was sickeningly difficult, because so many times, I look at myself and I would think how inadequate I am for the jobs God had assigned to me. I am overwhelmed and not well equipped. I am fearful and feel inferior all the time. I am emotional and not strong in the spirit.

Truly God, who am I that You would place so much., so much into my hands? Who am I Oh God? Yet I thank God that You do not despise the weak and the base things of the world, and that You are still willing to use me - this wavering reed - to train me into the rock, the rock that never moves, the rock who is willing, the rock who is at least trying. I know Oh God, I know You are looking after me, just waiting for me to run to You, and stop trying to walk in my own strength. I know. and I will seek after You. Cos God, oh God, You know I need You so badly, that life without You is hard to go on. I Love You Father!!!

So now, i have so much in my hands. So much to do and so much to achieve. I know I can't do it alone. I need Him, I need God. :) *cling onto all the He says*

My priority in place, and wisdom in hand.
and God as my guide, support, comfort and source of strength.

the Ministries I am in and yes. Jia You!
1. Church - City Harvest Church
Pray For:
-A great great wave of revival to sweep through the church. that the members heart are not cold towards God, but on fire! Break every every every spirit of lukewarmness!
-Great spiritual atmosphere in the service and great signs and wonders of God will take place!
-Pastor and the Leadership Level. That they will be strengthened as they carry out the work of God. Anointing wiill be upon them. Unity will be upon them. Strength will be upon them. And Grace will be upon them. Revelations too! God to be soooooo sooooo close to them!
- Sun!!!!!! Media will not be against her but will start to understand the work she is doing, that everything is for a good cause, that they will be more receptive towards her! Strength and encouragement to be upon her! :) She will be blessed in her coming in and her going out, that God will guide her and be with her! Protection upon the work she is doing that the work she has built up will be an asset and blessing to society!

2. Cell Group W387
Pray for:
-Cell group revival that every member will not just be a church goer but ALSO a DISCIPLE! that they will have an open heart towards the things of God and that they are willing to lay their lives down for him!
-That I may have favour with them and build lasting friendships with them though I may not have been there for the Start. Favour with Men and grace from God.
-Strong Spiritual atmosphere that each CG meeting will be an inspiring time and life changing moment for them
-unity in the cell group that they will build life lasting friendships and relationships with each other
-Favour from parents, that less objection and resistance from the parents. And that they will start to turn to Christ too!
-CG Leader Bee Leng to be strengthened as she works and serves. That she will encouraged and that she will preach with the strong anointing of God. That i can also receive an impartation from her, and I would be able to press into her life.

3. Children's church
Pray for:
- An open Heaven in the Bishan district, that the children will bring more and more friends to chuch. that they will too, not lose the evangelistic spirit.
-the health and the well being of the children. Judy and i will be able to minister to them adequately, that they will all grow up to be strong believers, and good Christians
-Judy and family that protection will be upon them, that great things are about to happen! Blessings upon them. and strength for Judy as she works and serves :)

4. NUS ministry
Pray for:
-Revival in the campus!
-Members from CHC will NOT lose the fire of evanglism and revival! Take the torch, bear the fire and fight!
-Unity amongst the CHC NUS pple! True friendships and meaningful relationships can be forged!
-Open Heaven!!!!!!!
-that all of us will be a blessing, an asset to the campus and the various faculties
-Interesting and new and creative methods of out reach!

5. Secondary School South Cluster Ministry
Pray for:
-Unity within the cluster
- The youths will not lose the fire of outreach and the love for the lost. They will not forget what they have received from the camp :)
- That the youths will be discipled, and not just church goers. That they will learn to carry the vision of the church, and carry the burden of the Great Commission with them
-that they will be able to resist the temptations of the youth, and stand strong in the midst of it.
-A renewed vision upon their lives!

6. Myself
Pray for:
-God's purpose and direction in my life to be clearer and a stronger conviction my life for the things of God and His Kingdom purpose!
-For a stronger sense of servanthood, to be able to submit myself to the leaders in church and for a heart that is ever true and pure and pleasing before God
-for a change of attitude towards things, that i am no longer critical!
-for a greater capacity to be an asset to the ministries i am involved in. To have the spirit of excellence and more importantly, a spirit of obedience
-To be spiritually sharp and discerning, to be able to move in thhe ways that Gos wishes me to, so that I may be able to minister to His people well.
-To be able to overcome the flesh and trample the flesh!!!!
-To be strong in the spirit too! Bind the spirit of Fear!
-For wisdom and understanding in studies and academic matters. Bind the spirit of procrastination!
-For friends, that i may make true friends and have lasting friendships both inside and outside the Church

7. Family
Pray for:
-Salvation for the family, especially Daddy and Mummy
-Harmony within the family that persecution will cease, that hard feelings and cold wars will diminish
-Health and prosperity will be in the family, that the house can be sold for a price greater than 1.2 million so that we can clear the debts. and the office sold for 10 million, so that even more debts can be cleared. So that the family can be debt free one day and be in prosperity
-Wisdom and understanding upon daddy and mummy to help run the company that they are an asset in their industry
-Wisdom and strength upon Da jie. that as she goes through SOT she will not tired out, that her physically tireness will not bar her from receiving in the spirit. Encouragement for her that she will not feel that she is fighting alone, but with God and with the family
-Love for zi ying that she will not feel condemned easily in the things she do and start to love herself more, to know that she is well loved by the people around her. That she may decrease , and that God may increase in her life.

For everything to be in GOD'S WILL. AMEN!

Written and pondered over, but emotional at 2:55 AM