A journey, an odyssey.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

FORBIDDEN

Yesterday Forbidden city @esplanade was part of my schedule

I figured that I had better write something down about it before ?I forget my very frist experience at the esplanade, sitting at those ... really restricted-sight-seats... I promise that i could have killed people to get to the better seats, but i didn't. But i did some really really jian stuff. Yes, and i mean really jian!

Anyway, i mean to come online and spend my precious 15minutes, not to rant on the lousy seats.. but truly i thank God for the seats, because they came as a wtoken from my squadmeates, but i really want to pay them back and I'm going to save up to pay them back.. Cos, I don't quite feel at peace to receive them... like I'm always depending on them to give me stuff, and I dun like it that way. i want our friendship to be on the same level.. not too much giving on their part and receiving on mine. i like it when we remain at equal status. i noe this may just be pride, but really, i dun like the feeling of owing people. This time, I really feel like i owe them. You noe, usually, i can feel the difference of receiving a blessing and owing them. Yea, this is exactly how i feel. But I thank God, cos of their generiosity, and I feel that, yea, I wanna be more than just this. I wanna be a giver more than a receiver. Nope, not that I dun want the blessings of God in my life, but I wanna be a blesser. Yesterday, I felt like a burden. I felt like a fish outta water. anguished with myself. But I noe that they wun understand. I'm afraid they never will. Cos I think sometimes I think they forget, that I'm not as strong as they think i am, or as strong as they themselves are. i'm weak, that's why I need God, so badly. Once again, I thank God for them, because they still let me noe, that they care, even though it may not be anything significant, but i thank God.. they helped me tide over this time, to pay for the tix, but truly i wanna pay them back.

Back on the Forbidden city, here's my humble little critique on the musical. Of cos, I'm no proffesional, but I'm just trying to express myself.

Forbidden City, For $30 bucks and those lousy seats, I think, It may not be well worth the price. Well, of cos, Maybe sitting at the better seats where I can see the full stage and truly appreciate the whole theatrics, I might have a different feeling about the musical.

To me, it was a technically good show, but not a spectecular musical at that. Somehow, something's just lacking.. I think its e full expression of emotions. Somehow, I felt it somehow restrained.

First thing first, the musical cannot be fully appreciated, because of the much-mentioned lousy seats. I spent mopre time trying to figuring out hopw to see them than enjoying the beauty of the lyrics, the beauty of the stage setup. I spent more time shifting in my seats than feeling the emotions being transducted from the stage to my soul. Not enjoyable at all. What's the arts? All in the name of understanding, and feeling and free expression. If you want people to appreciate your works, you have to make a way for people to enjoy them laa... somehow, I think they should just seal off the restricted seating areas. they kinda give people false hope that you might just enjoy the play, with a little blockage, to only receive a shock to realise that you can only see half the stage! *Horrors!* Be nice to warn... :)

Technically good show. Yep, i loved the music arrangements, the way the same tumes and verses are repeated in different scenarios, they can give rise to emotions, that really amaze you. Like wow... and the timing and sychrony of the actors was good (except for the point when little TongZhi fell down) but tt's like no effect onthe musical. I loved their voices and the power in it. But emotionally, I felt it weary and lacking. (perhaps, i'm a little shutdown yesterday) I enjoyed the integration of the scenes together.. the irony of watching the emperor enjoying his time at the operas to the invasion of the British. It was a fantastic move. I like the points where, Kate was allowed to see the past, like she was personally involved in watchingCi Xi'x story unfold, I mean it's an old move by the theatre, but nonetheless, you can understand that she does understand what is going on. And when the present CiXi and past CiXi appeared at the last scene with Kate in the middle, I felt It was good, as such the scene when Tong Zhi was dying from "the disease of the whores" (so as to quote.. but FYI, its aka syphilus), you can see the same pain in the Cixi... unchanged from the past to the present. The kind of feeling of ... pain and perhaps helplessness. Perhaps, a little shame. But a lot of pain. "To lose a son in war is honour, but to lose a son to the disease of the whores is ...(ok i forgot the whole thing.. its something like that laa)" True enough, where there is Hossan and Steven, there is bound to be humour. Surprised when Cixi cracked a joke though. I think its a way of the writer's effort to show that Cixi is not as guarded or as cold as she was reported to be : to kate:"I've never seen a more demanding woman, since I looked in the mirror" . You can see the humane side of CiXi.

There you go, Its really good in these areas. But I din feel the oomph.. I just felt.. you noe, ok. Just ok. Not say wow.. fantastic! but just.. ok.

After thoughts of the Musical?

Well, as wad my friends have all been harping on, the idea of seeing people from different perspectives.. that soemtimes, we just have to be critical on how we look at things, and judge them ourselves. The media only givies what the people want. "People only believe the stories they fear!"(quote from Harris Morgan.. i think its his name). why are thee media giving us gossip and providing us with so much "du jia!" and so much "inside-breaking-u-want-to-noe" and ""u-dun-wanna-miss-it" kinda nes? News that may or may not be true!.. you dunno waht people had done to these information.. to make it seem more sellable. But then again, Its audience-demand! you wanted it, so they give it you, at all cost! Youbelieve waht you want to believe.. Its true! It is really up to us to believe what we want to believe. we can look at a person and choose to see which side of her,right? Classic examples: a much hated girl or an outcasted girl in Class. Have you ever wondered why this girl still has friends outside; but yet in your social circle, she is being rudely excluded? Simple. you chose to see her ugly side. Because of that you've shut yourself down from seeing what else she could offer. Her friends, on the other hand, see the Dr Jerkyll in her, and FORGIVE the Mr Hyde in her that creeps out every now and then. They simply choose to overlook, and perhaps, really forgive. I mean there are times, when 2 people make the same mistake, but you would choose to accept your good friend, and forgive her for making the mistake, compared to forgiving someone whom you;ve never really thought well of anyway. its ALL ABOUT THE MATTER OF PREJUDICE, ain't it? Cixi, might have been misunderstood. Who knows? But all's history and alls past -- though i have to shamefully admit I ddun quite understand the strain of her predicament... no,no, Not that I dun understand what she thinks. or what she's going thru, i just can't quite feel the extent of her pain. haha.. told you, i think i might be a little shut down le. (God Help me!!! >.<)

No doubt, to me, Cixi and kate are reflections of each other.. and of woman. I stars from the time, that both of them longed for love, longed to be loved and to be cherish Like Kate in a foreign land meets up with a handsome stranger who takes care of her, and as witty and is charismatic; Cixi, meets the emperor, who bowls her over with his charm as he spends 3 months of lovey-dovey-ness together- where she herself is in a foreign land, away from home! Then they go through the point where they are in love, missing their loved ones, but for kate, she has the liberty of writing letters to that reporter guy when i seriously could not catch his name.. i think its Harris Morgan or some thing like that. They go through betrayal and loss. Cixi , betrayed by the emperor, thinking that he had turly loved her had her son taken away from her by force, and faced betrayal as her son turned away from her to the whores, and her nephew whom she trusted, escaped and fled out of shame, as he started the revolution and caused a civil war which eventually caused the defeat of China to the "White devils", and in her opinion, betrayal from Kate. Kate was betrayed by the man whom she loved, whom stole her secrets and sold it to the press, modified annd hurtful. And finally, the sense of being misuderstood. Cixi, was misunderstood by the world,as an evil dragon lady, one who killed her own son; kate misundertood by Cixi, who believed that Kate had betrayed her. Parallels, parallels. We live in a world where people have similar experiences yet unique situations.

woman--their insecurities, their need to be loved, their fallling head over heels, their overwhelming faith in those they love, their pain when betrayed, their helplessness when having to be alone in facing hurt. Woman.. its really the pain, and the emotional burden of being a woman...

well, this are just my humble thoughts and opinions.

maybe i just think too much.

Written and pondered over, but emotional at 6:24 PM