A journey, an odyssey.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Out of angst,and perhaps under the influence of some mean hormones.

I'm in a bad mood. And if Anyone in the world were to predict the reason for a change in mood,he/she would have to add up the following information pronto.

Woman + mood swings from a usually quite very tolerant individual + feeling flushed + paniking, anxiety and feellike screaming = a girl about to meet the time of the month, and is having her fweeking examiniations in a week, which she isn;t well prepared for.

I feel like shooting myself in the head. Well then,perhaps,i could focus a little better.

I dunno wad the heck am i doing. I have absolutely not idea. Have i resigned to being a failure? well, almost.

I'm cold, i'm bitter, i'm angry.

Wad the heck, do u want me to do? You tell me to study hard, yet u want me to take care of others. You said i could rest, yet u pressure me on the lives of others. Wad do u want meto do? WHAT DO U WANT ME TO DO? I have absolutely no idea. I'm human. just a really ordinary girl, trying hard to excel, in where i can. Don't force me. i'm not perfect, i'm not u. I'm me. Me Me ME! can't you just understand that? You do not need a phD in rocket Science to understand that, do you? U are making me feel like a failure. I know that i lmay have been irresponsible, to have suddenly left everything to you and the rest of the gang. I don't mean it. I want it. But please, i beg of you, to spare me. SPARE me. I'm just trying to be ordinary, chasing my dreams, pursuing what i want in life. My studies, my life. I'm tire.d. So tired. I'm not spectacular. I'm just, me. ME. ordinary me.

I admit it. I'm an idiot. I let people manipulate my feelings. so i'm shutting down now. Maybe its rteally the best wayb to protect myself. I want to protect myself. I have to protect myself. No one is going to protect me other than God. but God wants me to grow too. II juist want to study hard. I need to study hard.

I'm gone.

Written and pondered over, but emotional at 1:57 PM

VISION AND DREAMS

Paeds Specialist!
I can do the impossible! :)

SHORT TERM GOALS

1. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God
-- I wanna start cultivating good habits like prayer and fasting as a NECESSARY, ESSENTIAL part of my daily lifestyle

2. I wanna groom myself well
-- no more,sloppy behaviour, only appropriate behaviour. Must up another level!!!!

3. Dance like I've never danced before
-- I want to take dance really seriously. SERIOUSLY.

4. Serve more in ministry
-- enough of casual, convenient Christianity already.

MID TERM GOALS

1. Do Well in NUS Year 1
-- get into Dean's List and SEP!!! Jia You!

2. Learn L.A. Hip Hop!

3. Rise up to be a Leader in a Ministry :)

4. Save up for SOT!!!! $$$

LONG TERM GOALS

Get into GMS!!!
I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!