A journey, an odyssey.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Its a dog eat dog world.

Supervisors, trainees, friends, colleagues.

They are all friends to me, and I, being an outsider to the strifles of the *behold!!!* staffroom, I am left to fend for myself. Why? Simply because I am a neutral party. I don't make THE decisions, I don't tattle tale, I don't have a say in their future. So why not let ? As a friend, I will listen and try to understand. But as friends to both parties? I can't take sides, I can't judge, all I can do is defend for each other. A tad difficult. Hmmm.

But I thank God for these friends in school. Without them, it'll be a lot different.

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Early morning, and I am reminded about God's unending grace to me and to men. God loves me not for what I am, but simply for me. He loves the good, the bad and yes *the much dreaded* ugly. Which is ironically a beautiful thing. (is this a juxtapose?)

God is good, yet early morning, I could feel the grumpy genes in me building up. I was seriously about to flare on ziying, and a little too impatient with answering mummy's questions. Yes, I'm guilty as charged.

But you know what is so amazing? I know that I do not need to go on a guilt trip. This means that even though I know I am wrong, and yes, I can be shameful of my actions for a while, but I know that more than this, Iam learning to control my temper and be more aware of it too.. This means, I must learn to push my ego down, and stop feeling like I have to always be right. Ziying can be right too, I can be wrong. Ziying can be the one who is more caring than I am, I can also be the insolent one. What's wrong with admitting my mistakes? Nothing. But it is always pride that will pull me back, like that of a bungy jump rope, which then pulls me further downwards (yes, what a lousy comparision, but it makes sense ya). Seriously, I have to get rid of this pride issue. *rah*

So really, instead of going on a guilt trip, I should be going on a throne trip. I have to learn to break down in front of God. and move on. I need to learn to honour Him. I need to learn to confess. Teach me God, I'm still learning to put You in the middle and centre of my all.

"At one point in this audio, Randy asks you to recall what it feels like when someone makes fun of you. It’s not fun. It’s belittling, it’s harsh, it’s hurtful. … “I have belittled Christ. I do it when I act like He is small… Maybe because I act like I am bigger functionally, day to day. And that’s wrong.” He’s the Master of the Universe, the Lover of my soul. This is what hits home for me. I have belittled the Master of the Universe. Who died for me. Who conquered death. For me. Who ascended and is seated at the right hand of the Father. I have made Him small, and robbed Him of power. Or tried to. How very wrong that is. It’s because of sins like mine that He had to endure a torturous death on a cross."-http://mudlarktales.wordpress.com/2007/04/06/it-is-finished/

Yes God, it has been an amazing morning.
Rejoice in the LORD always, and again I say rejoice!

Written and pondered over, but emotional at 10:07 AM

VISION AND DREAMS

Paeds Specialist!
I can do the impossible! :)

SHORT TERM GOALS

1. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God
-- I wanna start cultivating good habits like prayer and fasting as a NECESSARY, ESSENTIAL part of my daily lifestyle

2. I wanna groom myself well
-- no more,sloppy behaviour, only appropriate behaviour. Must up another level!!!!

3. Dance like I've never danced before
-- I want to take dance really seriously. SERIOUSLY.

4. Serve more in ministry
-- enough of casual, convenient Christianity already.

MID TERM GOALS

1. Do Well in NUS Year 1
-- get into Dean's List and SEP!!! Jia You!

2. Learn L.A. Hip Hop!

3. Rise up to be a Leader in a Ministry :)

4. Save up for SOT!!!! $$$

LONG TERM GOALS

Get into GMS!!!
I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!