A journey, an odyssey.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

An Inspiring Experience!!!

The Past Weeks have been different. It has been a truly humbling experience. I can't quite put everything into words, but am going through alot..

First things first, EMERGE!'07 was fantastic, awesome, beyond words!!!
Really felt a touch from God, and really feel the need to work hard. In fact, I am rather shaken by Hui Qiong's nick : The Irresponsible will sacrifice the future in order to enjoy the present. Woa, and it's backed by by Pastpr reinding us that the successful have to work at least 16 -18 hours a day! Then i look back on myself. I have been resting enough for the past 3 days, slacking and all! So, Its time to get back into the field, to pull up my sleeves and my pants, and get into the muddy water and start collecting the ripened grains. No longer do i want to wait for the snow to settle on the now-darkened grains before i decide to work. Now is the time.

I want to chronicle Emerge. It has been amazing.

Emerge Day #1:
I remember during worship, and praise, I sang the words " I stand with You, when Faith and fear collides, I still believe in You". I sang it, and I felt God telling me that these words are not just words, they should mean something to me. These words are promises I made to God, telling Him that when indeed I face faith and fear at the same time, I'll be standing at where He stands. Also, during worship, I was praying for God to turn up, because I could not feel Him close enough, I really wanted to hear Him strong and clear. So i asked Him, where are you LORD? Somehow, I felt Him telling me, and reminding me that "Be still and know I'm God." -- He is the voice behind all that ruckus.

You see, I have a problem. My mind thinks ALOT. And I have to guard my mind. How do I overcome it? By confessing and wiring my brain to think the things of God. i have to learn to crucify my flesh, ot just for that moment, but for everyday. Its painful. But i know that it is God who matters most to me!

Emerge Day #2:
Amazing night. During Ministry, i was praying, once again for an even stronger touch from God. then i had a vision from God, it was like a pool of blood, and a drop was following. Dripping, dripping. I felt Him asking me:" Its going to tough following Me, it'll be of blood, of sweat, of pain. would you still want to?"

At that moment, what stuck me was fear, really i felt scared. I was thinking am i really going to follow God? Even if I have to die for His sake? Do I really want to? Then quickly i told God, i confessed my fears and I confessed my struggles. Then I'm reminded of the day before. I told Him, when faith and fear collides, I'll be on His side, I'll still believe in Him. Then faith came into my heart and it really built up courage in me.

Yes God, However fearful i am, i'll do it. I trust You, God, I trust You.

Emerge Day #3:
I remembered myself crying so hard that i felt like I couldn't breathe.

17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah,[d] do you love (agape) Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love (phileo) You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.
18 Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish.”
19 This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, “Follow Me.”

Sometimes, Me myself do not even know whether I love Him, agape him or phileos Him. but that';s when I surrender to God, telling Him that God, I don't know, but I'll do my best and try my best. God, I'm willing, God, I'm willing.

He does not llok at what I have, all He looks at is the heart, whether it is broken, whether I need Him, whether I am willing.

LORD, I'm willing. But this is all I have. The rest will surely do better than me. LORD, You know that there are so many mroe who have greater abilities than me, and they must love You more than I do. God, how.

Yet, He is faithful even when I m faithless.

20 Then Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following, who also had leaned on His breast at the supper, and said, “Lord, who is the one who betrays You?”
21 Peter, seeing him, said to Jesus, “But Lord, what about this man?”
22 Jesus said to him, “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.”

Just Follow Me.
I am greater than who i think I am by God's grace.
Just Follow.

Emerge Day #4:
The Last trumpet shall sound, and then its all over.

I don't want to leave this world one day, realising that I had been so selfish. i had been trying to find ways to satisfy myself, - leadership, studies, career, love, family, when I forgot to be kingdom minded. Forgetting the Great commandments and the Great Commission. There are people who need Him desperately, searching for a bit of peace, searching for the acceptance they;ve been longin for, searching for that little something that nothing has managed to fill up. I don;t want to b e selfish.

I want to have the compassion that Christ had for His people. they are my brethen, I love them, cos Christ loved me first.

I want to love the unlovable, and touch the untouchable. I want to love others, so that they no longer feel worthles, and that they are wanted.

This has always been my weakness..

But for when I'm weak, then I'm strong.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Written and pondered over, but emotional at 12:47 AM

VISION AND DREAMS

Paeds Specialist!
I can do the impossible! :)

SHORT TERM GOALS

1. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God
-- I wanna start cultivating good habits like prayer and fasting as a NECESSARY, ESSENTIAL part of my daily lifestyle

2. I wanna groom myself well
-- no more,sloppy behaviour, only appropriate behaviour. Must up another level!!!!

3. Dance like I've never danced before
-- I want to take dance really seriously. SERIOUSLY.

4. Serve more in ministry
-- enough of casual, convenient Christianity already.

MID TERM GOALS

1. Do Well in NUS Year 1
-- get into Dean's List and SEP!!! Jia You!

2. Learn L.A. Hip Hop!

3. Rise up to be a Leader in a Ministry :)

4. Save up for SOT!!!! $$$

LONG TERM GOALS

Get into GMS!!!
I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!